Sunday, October 4, 2009

By Tom Erickson

DallasNews.com 

A co-worker was teasing me recently about being such a regular at weddings.

Before anyone accuses me of being cheap or sleazy, I'll have you know I'm no party crasher. I just happen to have a lot of friends who've chosen to get married. In the past nine years, I've been tapped five times to be a groomsman or usher. No. 6 comes in October, when I'll don another rented tux and help seat guests on the bride's or groom's sides.

Not that I'm complaining. It's good to know my friends want me to be part of their "special day." And now I have a deep roster to choose from when my own big day comes. (Mom, if you're reading this, don't get excited. It won't be anytime soon.)

"You should be a wedding planner," my co-worker crowed. "You can let people know what works and what doesn't." She was kidding, but she actually had a point.

So whether you're planning a wedding, thinking about tying the knot or can't fathom standing at the altar, here are some tips for helping those in the party enjoy the party.

• Relax. A wedding is about the union of two lives and two families, but the two main participants -- the bride and groom -- always seem to have the least amount of fun. Fretting about every little detail won't make the experience any better, and you'll pass that pressure along to the rest of those participating.

• Allow time to troubleshoot possible wardrobe malfunctions. This one applies especially for the guys, since not all tuxedos are alike, nor do they all fit the same way. Having an hour to try everything on before the rehearsal -- and make necessary changes and alterations -- makes things more comfortable when you're standing next to the groom. The same could be said for bridesmaids who are wearing rented or just-completed dresses.

• Rehearse, but don't overdo it. Everyone in the party should practice walking down the aisle, lining up at the altar and walking back down the aisle at least twice. If everyone pays attention and cooperates, it's a painless process. Anything more elaborate can bring on needless stress (see point No. 1 above).

• Remember to let everyone mingle. Bridesmaids can be as close as sisters, and maybe the groomsmen are all old pals, but the two sides are often introduced to each other less than 24 hours before the nuptials. Plan a fun activity after the rehearsal dinner to help break the ice. I recently stood in a wedding that featured karaoke and an open bar on Friday night. A few folks woke up with headaches the next morning, but at least they had new friends to commiserate with.

• Establish a reporting time for the ceremony, but ease off on the enforcement. At one rehearsal dinner, I was presented with a gift from the bride and groom, as well as a detailed schedule of where I was expected to be and when. The bride, thinking we'd be running late, purposely asked us to arrive 20 minutes early. So we spent 25 minutes (after arriving early to avoid incrimination) sweating in our penguin suits outside the chapel, which hadn't been unlocked yet. The people in your wedding party are likely close friends or family members: Trust that they'll be there on time.

• Set the tone at the reception. If you're upset with the way the ceremony went (or might be having second thoughts), don't let it show. Make the rounds, thank everyone for coming and try your best to be the life of the party. There's nothing worse for guests and wedding party members than having to make small talk and stare an empty dance floor while waiting for the fun to start.

• Leave them wanting more. At the same event that featured the "American Idol"-style contest on Friday, a band played for the reception. They took the stage around 7 p.m. and stayed for almost three hours. We had a great time and even brought them back for an encore. But after that, they packed up and said goodnight. Those of us with second winds grabbed some bottles from the bar and headed out, but others chose to call it a night, and that was OK. There's no need for a marathon celebration if everyone's batteries are low. Save something for the brunch on Sunday morning or an upcoming anniversary party.

In summary, it's your big day, so enjoy it. But don't forget to make it enjoyable for those involved, as well.

And don't forget that you can always elope.