Friday, October 9, 2009

Since my junior year has started, I've recently discovered my biggest fear -- the future. It's bigger and scarier than any bogeyman under my bed.

I always thought that I'd at least have until my senior year before people started asking me about my future. I was wrong.

While filling out information for colleges in a class, I came across a question that read: "Select two professions from the list that you are interested in." The list had about 60 options. I sat there and read through every option -- every option! Everyone in my class was done filling out their sheet, but I still sat there, looking things over. I didn't find one I could see myself doing. Sure, maybe my calling just wasn't on that list. But ever since this day, I have been a big worrywart.

I can't seem to focus on anything else. If I can't get a math problem, I immediately think: "OK, well my profession definitely can't have anything to do with math."

Of course, I feel like everybody around me knows what they want to do with their lives. My amazingly smart, good friend Katie wants to be a dentist. More specifically, an orthodontist, so she can rake in the dough. She had me sold on being a dentist, too, until I realized how many years of school I would have to put in. That's one profession we can check off our list.

My friend Michelle wants to be a cosmetologist. She's so gifted at beauty-related things. When I paint my nails, it looks like I let a 4-year-old with a paintbrush wreak havoc on my hands. So that profession is probably not going to work out for me either.

I love my job at Hope's Harvest Natural Foods. It's such an oasis from the hectic world outside. I make smoothies and sandwiches, I talk to the customers, clean, listen to my boss's wisdom, and that's about it. I don't even call it work. Not because it's necessarily an easy job, but because I absolutely love it. Can't I just stay there my whole life? Alas, I know that I cannot.

I know I've got to be good for something, but what? I love where I am in my life right now. Does it have to change? What if my calling doesn't even require a four-year degree? Is there such thing as a calling anyway?

Questions, questions, questions. Answers will come with time, this I know. In the meantime, I am marking marine biology and forensic science for my areas of interest on my college surveys.

Lauren McDevitt is a junior at Lincoln High School in Lake City. To respond to an opinion column, send an e-mail to life@postbulletin.com.